


While She Sleeps

by KittyKat1026



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26080588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKat1026/pseuds/KittyKat1026
Summary: Three times Spike watches Buffy sleep and one time she watches him
Relationships: Spike & Buffy Summers, Spike/Buffy Summers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

I shouldn't be doing this. I know how creepy this is. This sort of thing is more up Captain Forehead's alley. That should be reason enough for me to stop and leave, but I can't. I can't pull my eyes away from the Slayer's face as she peacefully sleeps in her bed. At least I have one thing on my grand-sire. I'm, at least, watching her from the doorway, rather than through her window. Honestly, what kind of perv just watches a girl sleep? I'd also like to mention the fact that when he did it, Buffy was severely underage. 

What has the Slayer done to me? Even before this bloody chip was in my head, I couldn't hurt a hair on her head, not seriously, of course. Sure, we had our fights here and there, and then there was that one time when I showed up with a shotgun, but I always knew I'd never be able to end her. Drusilla knew that before I did. She knew I'd end up choosing the Slayer. 

"The sunshine will take my darkness away." She'd say after every encounter with Buffy. I always thought she was talking about Buffy dusting her, or honestly, I thought she was just talking about the literal sun taking turning night into day. The woman is completely off her rocker. It took decades for me to just understand half of the nonsense that spewed out of her mouth. 

I latched on to Dru when my heart was broken. A beautifully insane woman speaking to me as if I was worth more than what Cecily spewed at me. After the events with my mum, I didn't have anyone else. My world was Drusilla, solely because she was the only woman, other than my pre-vampiric mother, who treated me like I was worth something. Drusilla would sleep with whatever powerful demon she pleased, Angelus included, and I'd still welcome her back with open arms. Lucky for me, vampires don't exactly have to worry about STDs. But that's not to say that every time she ran off with a new bloody demon, my undead heart didn't break more and more. 

What I never could've expected was the Slayer, herself, to be the cause of the biggest crack in that still, undead organ in my chest. With every night we spent together, my feelings for her grew. I knew she wanted nothing more than a distraction, but I couldn't help what I felt. It's why I had that knobhead build me that bloody Buffy Bot. When the Slayer was done with me, I still got that love and companionship that I desperately craved. I could never look in its eyes, though. Each time I did, I could tell it was just a robot, not the bloody girl that had plagued my dreams for years. 

A noise snaps me out of my trance. I look back towards the bed and notice that Buffy is getting restless in her sleep. Another nightmare, no doubt. She's been having horrible ones during the few hours of sleep she's gotten since Glory got ahold of Little Bit. Without thinking, I walk over to her and sit on the edge of the bed and place my hand on her cheek. 

"It's alright, pet." I whisper, gently pressing my lips to her forehead. "Everything will be alright."

When she seems to relax, I reluctantly walk back towards the hallway, thinking I'd better get some sleep before the world possibly ends tomorrow. Whatever happens, I'll protect her. I have to protect them both. 

As much as I hate to admit it, Buffy's family had become the closest thing I had to a real family. When Joyce passed, it took all of my strength not to storm down to the hospital and snap the neck of the doctor that obviously wasn't competent enough to keep Joyce alive more than a few months after her surgery. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that Joyce would find a way to kill me with an axe, despite having already crossed over. I knew I had to protect those damn Summers girls the way I wasn't able to protect their mother. I'm going to make sure Buffy and Little Bit survive the next 48 hours. They have to. 

As I'm about to close Buffy's bedroom door, I hear her mutter something under her breath. I turn to make sure I hadn't woken her. 

"Spike...." she mutters again before rolling over onto her stomach. 

I let out a chuckle. "Goodnight, love." I say quietly, closing the door behind me.


	2. Chapter 2

I failed. 

I should've known better. I should've been faster, gotten Little Bit down, and gotten Buffy away. I was stupid. I was slow. Now I've lost her. 

I feel alone in this world, without her. It takes every bit of strength I have to not stake myself. Buffy was the only person on this bloody planet that saw me as something more than just a vampire. Truth be told, Little Bit is the only reason I'm still around. I promised Buffy I'd look after her, protect her with my pathetic life. I won't let Dawn suffer the same fate as her sister. 

Buffy hated the idea of open caskets. She thought they were morbid and pointless. But just because the funeral was closed casket, doesn't mean that I can't look at her face one more time. 

I slowly lift the top and prop it up. There she is. Almost as beautiful as she was when she was alive, but even in death, she was breathtaking. I ran my fingers down her cheek and along her lips. 

"Love...Buffy..." I say softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I should've snapped Glory's neck when I had the chance. To hell with my life. You and the Bit would've been safe."

I take a deep breath, using every bit of strength I have to keep tears from falling. "I love you, Slayer. I know I've said it before, and I know the thought of it disgusts you, but I do. I always will. Whether I live another minute or another century, it will always be you."

For a moment, I wonder if there's a way to turn her. I know better, though. Corpses can't be turned. I remember some sorry git wanting to turn his best friend, back in the 60's. He begged me to help him, despite knowing the impossibility. I never understood why he'd want to do it, until now. 

"I'll protect her, like I promised. I swear to you, Buffy, I will protect Dawn with everything I have. As soon as she graduates, I'll get her the hell out of Sunnydale, get her to a safer town. Somewhere she can live a life that neither of us were able to. I'll protect her from the human and non-human men that will undoubtedly be after her for more than her blood."

My hand slowly runs through her hair, the way I would when she was stressed. Only now, I'm the one who needs the comforting. My heart feels like it will shatter any second. 

"My Slayer..." I start, "Buffy, come back to me. Please. I know I don't deserve it, but please come back. We need you. I need you."

Something in my head snaps. I turn around and throw one of the wooden chairs against the wall. Why couldn't it have been me? 

Before I know it, I'm on the ground with Red and Little Bit next to me. Bit moves between my arms and begins to cry. I hold onto her as tightly as I can without hurting her. She's all I've got left of the love of my life.

"We need to bring her back." She cries against my chest. 

I have to swallow hard before I respond to her. "We can't, love. I want to bring her back as badly as you do, but she's not meant to be here with us. Something needed her more. Probably your mum, trying to figure out how the blasted television works up there."

Bit lets out a small laugh, the first one since that night. Red's got that determined look on her face. One I've seen many times in the few years I've known her. She's planning something, but now isn't the time to question. 

I slowly let go of Dawn and walk back to the casket. I place a kiss on her forehead, just as I did when she was simply sleeping in her bed. 

"Goodnight, pet."


	3. Chapter 3

A battle is coming. 

We're less than 24 hours away from a possibly apocalyptic battle. People will be lost, but I know one person who won't be. The woman in my arms will live another few decades, continue to save the world, again and again. I just hate that I won't be able to see her do it. 

I know I won't survive. Call me pessimistic, but I'm just being truthful. I won't let the world lose Buffy Summers again. That bloody amulet will probably be my undoing, but I don't mind. If sacrificing my pathetic life saves even two lives, it'll be worth it. 

I feel Buffy tighten her arms around me as she sleeps. I'm glad she finally got some rest. The bloody First decided to pay her a surprise visit, and I wasn't sure if she'd be able to get any sleep after that. I could hear her heart beating faster, an hour after it left. When she finally relaxed in my arms, I decided to stay up to make sure it doesn't make a return. I know The First is evil and all, but messing with your opponents best fighter the night before a battle should be considered cheating or something. Granted, no one knew our surprise plan for tomorrow, but you get my point. 

A few months ago, if you told me the Slayer would be asleep in my arms, my first question would be how much clothing was involved. My second response would be to laugh. Sure, she'd accidentally fallen asleep in my arms after a night of fun in my crypt, but this is completely different. This time, I'm perfectly content with just holding her, no strings attached. 

My eyes move to the amulet. I don't know what it does, exactly, but I'm certain the person who wears it won't make it out alive. She should've just had Captain Forehead wear it into battle. I'd finally be rid of him, once and for all. But of course, Buffy would always see him as this fantastic bloody martyr. She'd never let him go, not that she has. 

I don't know what to think about that kiss. She insists that it was just a "hello", but I don't think she or anyone else would take too kindly if I greeted Red that way. If she saw me kiss Drusilla, Buffy would immediately accuse me of turning my back on her. She'd accuse me of using her as a fuck toy, the way she did to me. I guess that means that I truly do love the Slayer. Drusilla would sleep around and my heart would break. The mere thought or memory of Buffy kissing someone else, sent me into a blind rage. I wanted to pull that bloody prat off of her and dust him then and there.

I know that it has to be me. I may not be around to see her response to sacrificing myself for the greater good, but I know that she'll always see me in a good light, after that. She may not ever love me, but she'll think highly of me. Higher than she did in the beginning, at least. That's more than I ever hoped for. 

I'm almost certain that I won't be going up to see the Pearly Gates, but wherever I end up, I know I'll watch over her, protect her, just as I have been. And if I end up in hell, where I belong, I'll sabotage any demon's plans to attack. My promise of protecting her and Little Bit won't turn to dust the moment I do.

When Buffy snuggles closer, I'm reminded that I need my own rest. If I'm going to stop the apocalypse, I might as well get some rest first. I hold her tighter before closing my eyes. 

"Goodnight, my love."


	4. Chapter 4

He's alive. 

I've had to remind myself of that fact about 6 times a day. It took nearly a year for anyone to tell me that Spike was alive, and I'll never forgive the ones who know and didn't tell me. 

Sure, they didn't know the extent of my feelings for the Master Vampire, but I still should've been told immediately. Apparently, Spike and Angel had even been to Italy to see me, but they never stopped me. Not seeing Angel was fine. I mean, it's not any different than the last few years, but Spike...I know him well enough. There was a reason behind why I never saw him. He just refuses to tell me. 

I look at his sleeping form on the couch of mine and Dawn's apartment. He looks so peaceful. I can't help but be thankful that vampires still need to sleep. Without the need, I'd never be able to just look at him like this. It's so much easier to remember that he's not dust on the ground when he's sleeping, breathing, right in front of you. 

I walk over to him and sit on the ground near his head. I let my fingers trail from his cheek down to his bare shoulder. Just as I remember. It takes all of my strength not to kiss him. It's been so long, there's so much I want to do, so much I want to say. But all of it can wait. He needs to rest. 

The last year has been rough without him. A lot of tears were shed, a lot of confessions made. I couldn't talk about it with anyone but Dawn. She was the only one who wouldn't look at me crazy when I talked about missing Spike. She's the only one who really knows how I feel about him. 

Spike adjusts himself on the couch and his head is about to slide off the cushion. Just before it can, I gently move his head back to the pillow, hoping not to wake him. Thank god he's a heavy sleeper. 

"I know you're asleep, but I need to get a few things off my chest. Maybe it'll help if I tell you now, instead of winging it when I get the courage to say it to your face." I say softly. "I missed you, Spike. I missed you more than I'm sure you think. I missed your annoying remarks. I missed your laugh. I missed you annoying the absolute crap out of me. I spent every day, wondering if you were okay, and I'll never forgive Angel for not calling me the second that amulet thing brought you back. Maybe he did it because he knew the truth. The truth that I was too terrified to say, until you were about to die."

I take a deep breath before continuing. "I love you, Spike. When I said it in the Hellmouth, I was being honest. I knew I'd loved you for a while, but I refused to accept it. I hated the fact that I was in love with a vampire who came to Sunnydale to kill me. I was in love with William the Bloody. But no one can really be surprised, can they? You were by my side when I needed you most. You protected my sister and my mom on countless occasions. I pushed you away because I was looking for a love like Angel gave me, but the truth is, that wasn't love. It was controlling and suffocating. With you, you make me feel free and powerful. You make me feel like anything is possible, that I can beat whatever baddie is coming next. So...yeah. I, Buffy Anne Summers, am completely and insanely in love with you, Spike." I let out a small laugh. "Well, at least I can say it."

"It's about bloody time."

I whip my head around to see Spike smirking at me. "Y-you were asleep! You weren't supposed to hear any of that."

"Is there another Spike around? Because I'm pretty sure I'm the only one, so at least that last sentence was directed at me."

I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. "I can't believe you heard all of that. I..."

Spike moves to kneel across from me, cupping my cheek with his hand. "I'm glad I heard all of it, pet." He says quietly. "Who knows how long it would've been before you finally said all of that?"

Before I know it, his lips are on mine for the first time in a year.

A year without Spike made me realize that I never wanted to be without him again. I may be a Slayer, but what's a Slayer without her vampire?


End file.
